Baby Shower Etiquette: The Complete Guide
Who hosts, who's invited, and what to expect.
Baby shower etiquette has evolved a lot, but some guidelines still matter. Here's what's actually important in 2026 — and what you can safely ignore.
Who Hosts?
Traditionally, the host is not the expecting parents. The logic: hosting your own shower looks like you're asking for gifts. In practice, this "rule" has softened considerably, but it's still the norm for someone else to take the lead.
Common hosts:
- Close friend or group of friends (most common)
- Sister or sister-in-law
- Mother-in-law or aunt
- Coworkers (for an office shower — usually a separate, smaller event)
Modern update: It used to be considered tacky for the mother or mother-in-law to host. That's outdated. If your mom wants to throw the shower, let her. Nobody actually cares.
Who to Invite
A typical baby shower has 20–40 guests. Here's who usually makes the list:
- Inner circle: Close family (both sides), best friends, bridal party if recent
- Extended family: Aunts, cousins, grandmothers — as many as venue allows
- Friends: Close friends, mommy-group friends, college friends who'd be hurt if excluded
- Coworkers: Only close ones. A separate office celebration avoids the "who to include" drama.
Plus-Ones and Kids
This is the host's call, and it should be stated clearly on the invitation:
- Plus-ones: Not expected at baby showers. If someone's partner doesn't know anyone, consider it — but it's not obligatory.
- Kids: If it's a co-ed shower, kids are often welcome. For a traditional shower, it's fine to say "adult celebration" on the invite. Don't feel guilty — people understand.
Gift Etiquette
The registry exists for a reason. Use it. Here's the modern take:
- Registry gifts are preferred. The parents picked those items for a reason. "But I saw this adorable outfit" is how they end up with 17 newborn onesies and no bottle brush.
- Group gifts are great. The $300 stroller on the registry? Three friends going in together is a perfect solution.
- Cash funds are normal now. Diaper funds, nursery funds, college savings contributions — all acceptable and often appreciated.
- Gift cards: Amazon, Target, and Buy Buy Baby are always safe. $25–75 is a typical range.
- Spending range: $30–75 for acquaintances/coworkers, $50–150 for close friends, $100+ for family. These are guidelines, not rules.
Thank You Notes
Send personalized thank-you notes within 2–3 weeks after the shower. Yes, handwritten. Yes, even if you thanked them in person. Mention the specific gift: "Thank you so much for the Hatch sound machine — we can't wait to use it in the nursery!"
Who Pays for What
- Host pays for: Venue, food, drinks, decorations, games/prizes, favors, invitations
- Parents pay for: Nothing — they're the guests of honor
- Exception: If parents request upgrades (a more expensive venue, a specific caterer), they should offer to cover the difference
Co-Ed Showers
Increasingly common, and honestly more fun. If you're doing a co-ed shower:
- Adjust the food (add heartier options, not just finger sandwiches)
- Pick co-ed friendly games (trivia, price guessing, diaper raffle)
- Have beer/cocktails available, not just mimosas
- It can feel more like a party and less like a ceremony — lean into that